The Act Of Falling

It's been a hard time recently and I've had to re-evaluate a lot of what I know (or thought I knew) and what I believed. Sometimes, though, it's hard to find anything to believe in at all that's worth a damn.

But, importantly, I think it's important to be true to your core belief system whatever that may be and wherever that may lead. I am not sure if I can compromise that - I have not needed to in the past and when confronted with something like that now I feel this wave of uncertainty rush over me.

As to what to do, these are heavy decisions for a later time, but a little pick-me-up is always appreciated: Greatest Sports Pep Talks

Covers

When I was younger I perhaps did not like covers of songs that much....There are still many I don't like but sometimes an artist can add their own "something special" to a song which makes you appreciate it on a whole new level.

This is one of those: Thunder Road - Frank Turner (originally by Bruce Springsteen)

Present Days

These days I am looking for things to inspire me, to drive me forward. I think I used to be able to find that fire in myself - or at least in my reflections I believe that to be the case.

These days, I'm not so sure....The fire is definitely a bit dimmer now than it used to be, but that can all change with the application of the right fuel. Is this a sign of stagnation, that I need to move on? Or is this something different?

In terms of the work ethic and those things, they are still there - but nowadays it feels sometimes more like an obligation rather than something I do because the fire inside me compels me to.

Glory?

"We all make glories of our pasts, our loves, or the memories might be more than we could bear"

Is It Worth It?

"Heaven and Earth are heartless, treating creatures like straw dogs"

Is doing something worthwhile because people say it should be done, and enough people say it, or is it because you truly believe that it should be done?

And, if so, what happens when that belief is slowly eroded. Sometimes I feel that there are small sleights, small betrayals.... I am under no illusions - this is not Hollywood, this is not a movie - the "good" aren't always rewarded and the "bad" aren't always punished; and sometimes you can't even tell which is which or even if they really exist.

But sometimes, like the difference between right and justice, you want the "right" thing to be done. And it hurts if it isn't, and it tears at you even though you know it shouldn't. Because we still need to wake up tomorrow, go to work and try and do the best we can to do something positive.

"Heaven and Earth are not partial. They do not kill living things out of cruelty or give them birth out of kindness. We do the same when we make straw dogs to use in sacrifices. We dress them up and put them on the altar, but not because we love them. And when the ceremony is over, we throw them into the street, but not because we hate them"

Education

Is all of this a test? Or some sort of punishment? Or is there even any difference?

It seems that all I have learnt is through my own pain; it's as if that is the only way to remember the lesson.

The flipside of that is that there is invariably a lot I have missed. Which makes me wonder whether I have spared myself the most painful of lessons and, if so, when will I regret not learning them....

Motivation

I was asked today if I wanted to contribute to our public website presence (in terms of recruitment) by providing a few words and profile.

One of the questions was what motivates me to get out of bed and come to work in the morning. Aside from the flippant answers (e.g. "because you pay me $$$", "somebody's gotta fix this stuff") to be honest I don't really know.