Nathings...

The Act Of Falling

2011-05-31T19:00:00.002+10:00

It's been a hard time recently and I've had to re-evaluate a lot of what I know (or thought I knew) and what I believed. Sometimes, though, it's hard to find anything to believe in at all that's worth a damn.

But, importantly, I think it's important to be true to your core belief system whatever that may be and wherever that may lead. I am not sure if I can compromise that - I have not needed to in the past and when confronted with something like that now I feel this wave of uncertainty rush over me.

As to what to do, these are heavy decisions for a later time, but a little pick-me-up is always appreciated: Greatest Sports Pep Talks

Covers

2011-05-19T21:11:00.002+10:00

When I was younger I perhaps did not like covers of songs that much....There are still many I don't like but sometimes an artist can add their own "something special" to a song which makes you appreciate it on a whole new level.

This is one of those: Thunder Road - Frank Turner (originally by Bruce Springsteen)

Present Days

2011-02-13T20:17:00.002+11:00

These days I am looking for things to inspire me, to drive me forward. I think I used to be able to find that fire in myself - or at least in my reflections I believe that to be the case.

These days, I'm not so sure....The fire is definitely a bit dimmer now than it used to be, but that can all change with the application of the right fuel. Is this a sign of stagnation, that I need to move on? Or is this something different?

In terms of the work ethic and those things, they are still there - but nowadays it feels sometimes more like an obligation rather than something I do because the fire inside me compels me to.

Glory?

2011-02-08T21:23:00.000+11:00

"We all make glories of our pasts, our loves, or the memories might be more than we could bear"

Is It Worth It?

2011-01-30T21:17:00.002+11:00

"Heaven and Earth are heartless, treating creatures like straw dogs"

Is doing something worthwhile because people say it should be done, and enough people say it, or is it because you truly believe that it should be done?

And, if so, what happens when that belief is slowly eroded. Sometimes I feel that there are small sleights, small betrayals.... I am under no illusions - this is not Hollywood, this is not a movie - the "good" aren't always rewarded and the "bad" aren't always punished; and sometimes you can't even tell which is which or even if they really exist.

But sometimes, like the difference between right and justice, you want the "right" thing to be done. And it hurts if it isn't, and it tears at you even though you know it shouldn't. Because we still need to wake up tomorrow, go to work and try and do the best we can to do something positive.

"Heaven and Earth are not partial. They do not kill living things out of cruelty or give them birth out of kindness. We do the same when we make straw dogs to use in sacrifices. We dress them up and put them on the altar, but not because we love them. And when the ceremony is over, we throw them into the street, but not because we hate them"

Education

2011-01-23T21:51:00.002+11:00

Is all of this a test? Or some sort of punishment? Or is there even any difference?

It seems that all I have learnt is through my own pain; it's as if that is the only way to remember the lesson.

The flipside of that is that there is invariably a lot I have missed. Which makes me wonder whether I have spared myself the most painful of lessons and, if so, when will I regret not learning them....

Motivation

2011-01-20T22:10:00.001+11:00

I was asked today if I wanted to contribute to our public website presence (in terms of recruitment) by providing a few words and profile.

One of the questions was what motivates me to get out of bed and come to work in the morning. Aside from the flippant answers (e.g. "because you pay me $$$", "somebody's gotta fix this stuff") to be honest I don't really know.

Regret

2011-01-16T21:11:00.002+11:00

Sometimes I feel a bit of cognitive dissonance.....At times, I feel like I have purpose but at other times I either don't or begin to doubt that the purpose truly is real at all.

I tell myself that for now it is sufficient to get through each day, to just take it like that and feel that it is a milestone when the day is done....But if i stare out into the distance which is the rest of my life (and a reasonably long one, I hope) then is that any way to truly live?

And, if not, what changes can I (or do I) need to bring?

Your Bright Baby Blues - Jackson Browne

Dawn & Circles

2011-01-06T20:37:00.002+11:00

It's the start of a new year but I already feel more stressed than I ever did last year. For what is supposed to be a new dawn, it feels more than ever like the setting of the sun with shadows growing ever longer.

Perhaps it is just in my head though and I am just growing up (or growing older) and having trouble adjusting to my growing foibles and mortality.

Calogero - C'est d'ici que je vous ecris

Finish Lines & Milestones

2010-12-24T21:31:00.002+11:00

As I reach the end of the year, or at least close in on the end, I wonder where the time has gone.

I don't wonder so much on what I've achieved in the last year - I know that it's not much. I don't know whether a lack of change is a good thing or not but I don't feel that I've progressed anything in the last year or so.

Sometimes, however, standing still but surviving is enough.

To those out there, if we don't speak again this year, see you next year....Whatever faith you practice or whatever deity/deities you follow - a safe period to you and yours.

Romeo kiffe Juliette - Grand Corps Malade

Time Enough....

2010-12-20T21:30:00.003+11:00

There just doesn't seem like there is enough time for everything nowadays. As the holiday season approaches, everything feels like a rush. Work, non-work, everything.

I don't anticipate that the new year will be any calmer either. Oh well.

Time Enough For Tears - Andrea Corr

Reading Material

2010-12-19T22:58:00.003+11:00

After listening to this and recognizing it from Friday Night Lights, I am inspired to commence my reading of sports books again.

Or any reading for that matter - either I read nothing or just listen to the audiobook versions. Audiobooks are great, and of much comfort during commutes or traffic jams, but sometimes I just need to feel the material in my hands

Blameless?

2010-12-17T22:46:00.002+11:00

As much as I would want to distance myself from some things, at the end of the day I still need to admit to myself that there is no event I am part of in which I am totally without blame.

I can but hope that I learn enough from these pathways not to make the same mistakes again. Time, as always, is the best (albeit painful) teacher

The Long And Winding Road - The Beatles

The Only Truth I Know....

2010-12-16T20:26:00.001+11:00

....Is you.

I think we all need a support structure - be it a loved one, a close friend of just the comfort (if it truly is comfort) in being part of a crowd.

No man, after all, is an island and although I do have my isolationist moments I can always say that I am never truly alone in this world.

Song For Adam - Jackson Browne

If Your Stomach Is Full....

2010-11-29T19:58:00.001+11:00

...Then you have no hunger.

If there ever was one, now is the time to rise.

Love it: Maybe You Should Rise

This Month

2010-11-27T11:34:00.002+11:00

Where did this month go? It feels like one of those months where a lot of energy has been expended but for no discernible outcome.

It's almost the end of the year as well....when I reflect on this month, it almost seems like a microcosm of my year. Lots of energy spent - work, worry all those things....but what have I achieved?

Have I become a better person?

Have I matured? (noting that maturity doesn't automatically make me a better person)

Have I gained a skill?

Have I even changed?

I don't know.

Fool (If you think it's over) - Chris Rea

Chance, Risk & Not Getting Everything Done

2010-11-15T22:23:00.002+11:00

Sometimes there's just too much to do in the day. Doesn't mean you don't come in and try to do it.

"I swing as hard as I can, and I try to swing right through the ball. In boxing, your fist usually stops when you hit a man, but its possible to hit so hard that your fist doesn't stop. I try to follow through in the same way. The harder you grip the bat, the more you can swing it through the ball, and the farther the ball will go. I swing big, with everything I've got. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can."

- Babe Ruth

Generations

2010-11-15T21:49:00.001+11:00

I have to admit that I think a lot of these things as well....

Things Everybody Thinks

Getting Through

2010-11-06T22:25:00.003+11:00

Sometimes things are just a grind...You know where you have to go, you know what to do to get there but it just doesn't come together; or, at least, not on that particular day.

Doesn't mean that you stop grinding though. I think if you put yourself in position for things then those will eventually happen. Even if what you normally do isn't working or things just feel out of sync you have to try and do something positive.

It may not even relate to the overall goal, but at least if you're doing something positive out there you can keep yourself motivated/interested, still in the game and continuously going forward.

How Long

2010-11-03T21:54:00.002+11:00

Sometimes, crowns are heavy. They slip, they fall....and sometimes they break.

Some things are unavoidable or inescapable. This doesn't mean that we have to like accepting them but at the end of the day perhaps we have no choice but to accept.

Bellefire - Stay

Come Undone

2010-10-31T12:15:00.003+11:00

Weekends...A time to do what you couldn't do during the working week. This could be sharpening the saw, taking on some sort of personal project, *gasp* work * gasp*, or even just not doing much of anything at all.

These past few weekends I have had plans to do things....self-improvement/sharpening the saw things. However, no matter how hard I try, I can never seem to get through it.

I don't know whether that is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I do enjoy the things that I do end up doing but at the end of the day there is always that little tinge of disappointment where you set out to do something and don't quite make it all the way there.

Simpler Times

2010-10-28T00:11:00.002+11:00

I wonder if life is ever easy - or if my life was ever that way. And if it was, is that something I would want to go back to? If nothing else, I can say that pain has been an effective teacher.

Say Not The Struggle

Panic

2010-10-20T12:25:00.002+11:00

I don't like the whole "keep calm and carry on" sort of thing as I'm not really one of those stiff-upper lip kind of guys. I tend to be a bit more demonstrative than that.

Then again sometimes you need to say that to people. It's just sometimes you don't feel that comfortable being the one who does the telling.

Owning Things

2010-10-15T15:57:00.002+11:00

For some reason, I've always collected/accumulated things. This would perhaps not be such a bad thing if it was easy to let things go....but it never is.

Maybe it's that tattered old paperback, or those old CD's full of software that don't work anymore or that computer which might be on its last legs. Sometimes, you just want to hold on....I think the process of owning things is not just possession, but an infusion of yourself into that item. I can point to many items at my place and say not just what they are but the memories that sit behind them.

Sometimes, it's just hard to let go.

And sometimes....maybe sometimes....you have to bite the bullet and do it. It's just hard to know when those times are and when they aren't.

Sometimes

2010-10-05T22:09:00.002+11:00

Work gives me a headache. I feel I have a lot to do, but I don't know if that is because there actually is a lot to do or just that there's a moderate amount to do but I want to do all of it.

Either way, probably not that healthy.

The Paradox Of Choice

Links

2010-09-30T21:34:00.001+10:00

A few things that I found to brighten this particular day (& night):

100 Ways To Serve Others
Worst Ads Of 2010

Give Me One More Chance

2010-09-27T20:18:00.001+10:00

In my time, I've missed a number of opportunities....Some of them have been what you may call "intentional misses" (although I do later feel pangs of regret) but others have just been down to circumstances or whatever you want to call it.

I'm also young enough to know that more opportunities will likely come by again....and that I will will likely miss a large number of them (again). However, I guess it's more about not having as many intentional misses in the future - or at least not regretting them as much.

Promise

Loneliness

2010-09-23T21:03:00.001+10:00

Following on from my splendid isolation post, this is something that made me smile today....

Stuff No One Told Me

Splendid Isolation

2010-09-19T16:26:00.002+10:00

Isolation....even in a world where people are just a phone call, instant message or whatever away sometimes we can feel like islands. Even among the people that I know, sometimes I feel that I don't really know them and they don't really know me.

Is this just natural for the human condition? Or is this something that I have put up as a defense mechanism, to protect myself and prevent people from being too close?

How To Be Alone

===================

PS. I would also like to note that nobody in the (admittedly small) circle of people I know have any awareness that I have a blog or a twitter or whatever.

Negative Edge

2010-09-19T15:18:00.001+10:00

There are some things we can't escape, even when on vacation. It's like normal life deferred but not really, and never enough.

Your Hand In Mine - Explosions In The Sky

Vacation

2010-09-14T10:54:00.002+10:00

I write this sitting in a hotel room in Seoul. It's around 10am and my day hasn't started yet.

As I sit here, I ponder the nature of vacation. I have checked my work emails a couple of times since arriving on Saturday and have also spent some time on the laptop doing non-vacation-y things (reading technical blogs, coding a little bit).

Perhaps these things are just force of habit to do when I'm on the internet....but if so what does that say in that because of all this inter-connectivity even when I leave my home country for foreign shores I still do my same old thing. Is there any escape?

I guess if I wanted to escape though, I wouldn't have brought my laptop....But everything here is so easy with that stuff. Wireless access points everywhere, cheap access to PC's (good old PC Bang), well stocked business area in the hotel where you can hook yourself up. Perhaps there is no escape.

But, perhaps the nature of my vacations now is that they are not true escapes. As in No Country For Old Men, there are no clean getaways. But whereas that was a bleak tale, perhaps my vacations now are to be used for introspection, to be somewhat away from the maddening crowd of my normal life and also a time where I can keep my skills sharp in the interests of self-improvement.

And, perhaps, one day I'll figure out that I don't have to go to a different country to do any of that - for is anything I've said in the previous paragraph any more than just a state of mind as opposed to a state of physical "where am I"?

Hey Soul Sister - Train

Aging

2010-09-08T22:14:00.002+10:00

Someone said today that I talk like I am a 40 year old man instead of the 20-something that I (according to my year of birth) should be.

Physically, I'm probably a lot older than my age - I can't admit to always taking the best care of myself. But mentally, in terms of what I've seen and what I've done and what others have done to me, sometimes I do feel vastly old....or at least middle aged.

I remember a particular conversation between Charles & Sebastian in Brideshead Revisited where Sebastian remarked how he felt 100 years old, but Charles remarked "I feel middle-aged, that is infinitely worse". Ah, the langour of youth!

Leaves That Are Green - Simon & Garfunkel

--------------------------------

That would be Brideshead Revisited the novel, by the way. Not a fan of the movie so much, although the TV serial from the 80's was grand indeed....I might pick it up on DVD one of these days

A Return. Abridged.

2010-09-04T22:22:00.001+10:00

So, I'm somehow back here again....I've never really forgotten this little piece on the web but I haven't exactly done a good job of maintaining it in 2010 either. But a return is a return.

The Times They Are A Changin' - Simon & Garfunkel (cover)

Ease Your Mind

2009-12-17T20:11:00.001+11:00

Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel

Sometimes, I think we could all do with a little bit of reassurance and someone to make the troubles of the world go away....At least for a little while.

Inspiration

2009-12-10T20:10:00.001+11:00

I have been silent for a while, but this has inspired me today:

Jimmy V Speech

Where Did The Month Go?

2009-10-31T11:05:00.002+11:00

Well, it's the end of another month - it blew by so quickly, so quickly in fact that I'm not sure what I did during this month or what exactly happened. I can remember a few events, but most of them do not linger in memory.

Does this mean it wasn't an eventful month? I'm not sure. Does it mean that I've wasted a month, just let it glide by and not take advantage of the time it gave or whatever opportunities it offered? I'm not sure of that either.

All I can say is that I hope the next month will be a better, more memorable one.

Time

2009-10-24T09:08:00.002+11:00

Time appears to be in very short supply nowadays - I can't seem to do anything that I want to do, or think that I need to do, or anything at all really.

I don't remember things being this way before, but I can't quite remember when it all changed either....

The Kid - Art Garfunkel (with Maia Sharp & Buddy Mondlock)

Heavens

2009-10-11T09:06:00.000+11:00

A match might be made for the stars, but even constellations don't appear in the sky every night.

Empty

2009-10-09T20:30:00.002+11:00

You know, recently, all my victories seem hollow and all my failures absolute. But even in a massive storm, doesn't the lightning serve to illuminate the sky?

Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen

As September Ends

2009-09-30T21:05:00.002+10:00

So another month ends - but yet I don't feel much in the way of progress.

I Got A Name - Jim Croce

Searching

2009-09-29T21:32:00.001+10:00

Sometimes, I think that I'm looking so far out that I can't see what's right in front of me.

Look No Further - Dido

Chances

2009-09-20T15:53:00.001+10:00

We all deserve a chance....If someone reaches out their hand to you, then extend yours in return

Education Nationale - Grand Corps Malade

We've Always...

2009-09-14T21:44:00.000+10:00

"...And if our weakness has been to confuse the bright and bloody colors of our calendars with the true weather of days, and the parchment's territory of our maps with the land spread out before us...never mind. We've always been on our way to this new place, that is no place, really, but is real..."

No Maps For These Territories

No Maps

2009-09-14T18:07:00.003+10:00

At the moment, I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a flight back home. There's a while to go yet, but I am sitting here in relative comfort.

However, I somehow feel that both physically and mentally, I've been trying to find my way home for a long time now. I like to describe this segment of my life (perhaps starting 6 months after I left university) as my "leaving home" - but I do miss it, I miss earlier days and simpler times when I was just me and not how somebody expected me to be.

Unfortunately, I lost the map back to the place where I started. That's what I like to tell myself anyway - because the alternative is that the place I started never existed at all, and that is a reality I don't feel quite ready to stomach at the moment.

Bleak

2009-09-06T19:24:00.000+10:00

Sometimes, life just is the way it is.

Dress Rehearsal Rag - Leonard Cohen

Journeys

2009-08-30T19:48:00.002+10:00

We're all going somewhere....But I for one haven't quite figured out the meaning of "somewhere" apart from it meaning "not here".

Les Voyages En Train - Grand Corps Malade

Nightfall

2009-08-24T20:44:00.001+10:00

If there is one thing the night has given me, it's the promise of a tomorrow. Whether that's a better tomorrow or not is somewhat up to me.

La Nuit - Grand Corps Malade

We All Get Older....

2009-08-21T21:58:00.000+10:00

4 saisons - Grande Corps Malande

Shadow & Light

2009-08-18T23:18:00.001+10:00

It's a race against the clock or race against fear
It's the same ride, aim the light straight ahead
Even if this quest is foolish, I run to feel alive

L'ombre et la lumière - Calogero

These People Ought to Know Who We Are and Tell That We Were Here

2009-08-17T19:55:00.002+10:00

I think in some way we all want to be remembered. But people's memories of us can be only fragments of the whole that is "us".

Sometimes rose-tinted, sometimes burning with rage to everyone we meet we leave a fragment....Whether they know it or not.

Blessed Is The Memory - Leonard Cohen

Achievement

2009-08-16T18:47:00.003+10:00

This weekend, I finally got around to doing something that I wanted to do....OK, it was more a split between doing boring stuff and doing stuff which I'm interested in that I could then apply at work.

But it's a start & that's the important thing.

=========

Also, I have found some time to indulge in some real relaxation and cracked open one of the many anime box sets I have bought but not yet watched.

Limits

2009-08-15T18:24:00.001+10:00

I think that there are things which I would do, and those I know I won't.

I'm Your Man - Leonard Cohen

Calling

2009-08-13T19:03:00.001+10:00

Love Calls You By Your Name - Leonard Cohen

My Moleskine & I

2009-08-10T18:56:00.002+10:00

I have recently come into possession of a new Moleskine (specifically one of these) and am loving using it. It's not exactly for everyday use (as in I don't take it into every meeting and use it to take regular notes etc - I have a "normal" book for that) but there's sometimes a lot in my head that I want to put on paper.

I would characterize more as a repository of my ideas and thoughts (generally work related - although I do have one that I plan to take while traveling to write down my leisure & travel experiences). It's a bit expensive, and the craftsmanship is pretty good - I like to think that these characteristics remind me of the sanctity of my ideas and that every idea, no matter if it is successful or not, is precious and deserves a chance to be born.

I also specifically chose the non-ruled version because I tend to be a bit free-form when I write and draw sketches/diagrams.

My friend Unilove asked me if my Moleskine was more a discipline or a curiosity....I would say it's a bit of both. There is a temptation to use it for everything so I have to be a bit disciplined and judge to only use it for "important" things (important to me anyway....I think this approach has also given me some perspective on what I find important and what I don't).

But on the flipside, every time I use it I have this sense of wonder which I've never gotten from writing in a notebook before. I think this gets back to the expense (perhaps even a little pretentious) and the craftsmanship.

So yes, I am a proud Moleskine owner and I hope to be using it for a long, long time.

Dance Me To The End Of Love - Leonard Cohen

The Long Day Wanes

2009-08-02T21:48:00.001+10:00

Ulysses - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

"Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs"

Nothing Is A Long Time, But Nothing Is Forever

2009-07-28T19:28:00.001+10:00

"The rain falls down on last year's man,
an hour has gone by
and he has not moved his hand.
But everything will happen if he only gives the word;
the lovers will rise up
and the mountains touch the ground.
But the skylight is like skin for a drum I'll never mend
and all the rain falls down amen
on the works of last year's man."

Last Year's Man - Leonard Cohen

Tweet?

2009-07-25T12:55:00.002+10:00

A brief interlude from the music....

For some reason, I was compelled to create a Twitter account today and have made good on that (I'm @nathankv). I don't know what made me do it or what I'm going to do now that I've actually committed the act.

I may be one of those who just drops off (I hear numbers like only 40% user retention) or it might be something I stick with. Not sure - but we'll see where I get to with it.

After all, can't hurt to try.

Some Things Never Change

2009-07-25T09:12:00.002+10:00

It's comforting to know that, although I'm far away that I can still make out the faintness radiating from the lighthouse in the distance. And with that, perhaps there is a way back home.

Still Crazy After All These Years - Paul Simon

Let's Go

2009-07-23T21:22:00.002+10:00

It serves no purpose to be mired in despair....But it's the easy option. Temptation always whispers, but it's up to us whether or not we listen.

Yalla - Calogero

To Take Root

2009-07-20T20:52:00.002+10:00

There's still so much to do - even if I have to fight battles with myself more than the outside world.

Prendre Racine - Calogero

These Moments

2009-07-19T20:03:00.002+10:00

And at this time, I feel something akin to peace.

C'est Dit - Calogero

Help Us...

2009-07-17T22:12:00.003+10:00

For now, I think I need to keep on walking. Strangely, it hurts to stand still - it's as if time doesn't move for me and I have to move through it.

Have You Passed Through This Night? - Explosions In The Sky

All The Things You Are - Gainsbourg

I Asked You If A Man Could Be Forgiven

2009-07-15T18:58:00.001+10:00

"And though I failed at love, is that a crime?"
Iodine - Leonard Cohen

Low Point

2009-07-14T21:17:00.001+10:00

You know, I think today I saw a hole - and when I looked down it seemed to stretch forever....

A New Career In A New Town - David Bowie

If It Be...

2009-07-13T18:19:00.002+10:00

Are our pains and trials self-inflicted? Can we break out of the cycles we have worked ourselves into - or are there times when we just need to reach out a hand into the darkness in the hope there is someone on the other end with the compassion to grab it?

If It Be Your Will - Leonard Cohen

Fountain Of Sorrow

2009-07-07T18:38:00.002+10:00

"Now for you and me it may not be that hard to reach our dreams,
But that magic feeling never seems to last,
And while the future's there for anyone to change,
Still you know it seems,
It would be easier sometimes to change the past"
- Fountain Of Sorrow by Jackson Browne

Servitude & Departures

2009-07-01T21:44:00.003+10:00

"Unfaithful servant, you don't have to say you're sorry
.
.
.
Like a stranger you turned your back,
Left your keys and gone to pack
.
.
."
- The Unfaithful Servant by The Band

I Always Leave With Less Than I Had Before

2009-06-22T21:21:00.002+10:00

"These things that have comforted me, I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display"

The Wrestler - Bruce Springsteen

All Of A Sudden, I Miss Everyone

2009-06-21T09:01:00.002+10:00

Sometimes, I want to go back in time and let my younger self know to keep on the track they are on because that won't lead them to where my present self is at the moment.

"Why can't it be like before?" (quote from 2046)

What Do You Go Home To? - Explosions In The Sky

Negativity

2009-06-11T20:01:00.002+10:00

"Negativity is a bit like white bread - it is cheap and plentiful"

At the end of the day, I need something to cheer myself up. A long conversation, a good dinner or maybe some songs that hail from what I imagine was a simpler time: Mr Tambourine Man - The Bryds

To Struggle

2009-06-10T21:13:00.003+10:00

To struggle is to know that you are alive - to know that you're still fighting, still searching and still pushing for a truth to call your own.

"And I'm weary of the nights I've seen inside these empty halls"
- The Birds Of St. Mark - Jackson Browne

Home Truths

2009-06-09T20:46:00.001+10:00

"Don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them"
- These Days, Jackson Browne

These Days

Dreams Last

2009-06-08T21:22:00.002+10:00

Every day I am reminded of the things which are out of my reach. And also the things which are in my reach if I only have the courage to grasp at them.

You Were Meant For Me - Bellefire

(Yes, a cover of the Jewel song - I found it interesting....)

Past Inescapable, Things Unchangeable

2009-06-07T21:52:00.002+10:00

"My theme is memory, that winged host that soared above me one grey morning....These memories, which are my life - for we possess nothing certainly except the past - were always with me"
- Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Eyes On Me

Swallow Your Pride

2009-06-07T09:01:00.002+10:00

Sometimes it's hard to help people - sometimes you don't know if they are in trouble or you don't think that there's anything you can do. But I've found that there's always one thing you can do - offer your help anyway and do the best you can.

Lean On Me - Bill Withers

Stand By Me

2009-06-04T21:06:00.002+10:00

"The time when there is no one to feel sorry for you or to cheer for you is when a player is made"
- Tim Duncan

Stand By Me - John Lennon

Handy Man

2009-06-03T19:45:00.002+10:00

Sometime I wonder in work, and in life, why we can't all get along? And with those thoughts in mind, I cannot seem to reconcile my own apparently aggressiveness and sometimes combative nature.

Handy Man - James Taylor

Changing Season, Changing Mood

2009-06-01T23:02:00.002+10:00

It's a new season here (Winter, to be exact, but without the snow) and with the changing season, perhaps there will be a changing mood.

I Got A Name - Jim Croce

When Goodbye Is Too Hard To Say....

2009-05-31T18:24:00.002+10:00

Sometimes it's worthwhile to just stick it out, walk down the road you're on and see what happens when the path moves over the horizon.

Don't give up that easily.

Stay - Bellefire

Picking Up The Pieces...

2009-05-30T09:04:00.004+10:00

Because someone always has to. Because there are always threads to be weaved together, smashed vases to glue back together and lives to be rebuilt.

Every day, something can go wrong (& does go wrong). But every day is also the chance for you to make it right.

Phoenix - Aimee Mann

I've Been Waiting

2009-05-27T20:50:00.001+10:00

One Step Too Far - Faithless (feat. Dido)

Is it better to search out for life's opportunities? Or wait for them to come to you?

All Things Can Be Classified

2009-05-24T13:14:00.003+10:00

Adagio For Strings

Black and white is easy - to be able to classify things as solely being one or another, and not a mixture of many, is an easy way out. I don't mean to disparage it and imply that there is no thought involved, because there is, and I too am guilty of taking this liberty.

For a long time, I have taken the approach where I have to be A or B, but not a mixture of A, C and possibly Z. It's a concept which has governed me and in some ways has held me back. I'm not totally rid of it, but perhaps I am on the road to being there.

I have always tried to look outward to say that person M or N is someone I want to be like, whose qualities I want to embody completely. But perhaps what I should have really been doing is looking inward, because at the end of the day the only person who decides where I need to go...is me.

It Seems Like Yesterday....

2009-05-23T08:27:00.001+10:00

Against The Wind - Bob Seger

Sometimes, you just have to try and move ahead as best you can....

Links

2009-05-21T20:05:00.002+10:00

The Gene Drain - A cyberpunk-ish story from Lewis Shiner. I was too young to be around for Cyberpunk's emergence and had only really become an avid reader after it's fade-away. But for some reason, I have always felt some affinity for the genre tried to collect examples of it assiduously and am always warmed when it echos this very day.

Film Review: Inglorious Basterds - There's almost too long to wait until it come out....

Single Moment

2009-05-14T20:52:00.002+10:00

How long is a moment? Is it a second? Could it be an hour, or even a day?

Time, for me, has always been a relative construct. There are events in our lives that define us, I would consider themselves "moments" but looking back I couldn't say what unit of time you'd measure it with. All I know is that something like that stays with you....stays with you always.

Become Legendary

King Of The Jailhouse

2009-05-11T21:22:00.002+10:00

King Of The Jailhouse - Aimee Mann

I find myself with time to revisit music more now....Enough time not just to listen, but to enjoy the act of listening, considering it as something pleasurable rather than something which is merely used as a distraction to the troubles of my world.

And in my listening, this song comes back to me always. Now I wonder what that says about me?

You're Gonna Carry That Weight

2009-05-04T19:32:00.002+10:00

Carry That Weight - The Beatles

We all have our burdens - for some it is a labor of love, for others it is just a labor. Does love make that weight lighter? I don't know for sure, but it doesn't disguise the fact that we're all carrying something.

And eventually, we'll have to let it go.

I Am...

2009-04-30T19:46:00.002+10:00

...Happy.

Three little words but they mean so much. In my previous post, I mused about how sometimes you don't have to say anything at all. Well, just a little step above that is how so few words can express so much - perhaps the greatest praise we can give a language is how few words it can take to express yourself.

I love you.
I am happy.
I am happy.

Sometimes...

2009-04-26T09:21:00.002+10:00

Sometimes, you don't have to say anything to show how you really feel. Words can be limited and subjective (I say "this", you think I mean "that" etc). Sometimes all you need is someone to hold you, and you know that things are going to be alright.

Your Hand In Mine - Explosions In The Sky

Saying Goodbye

2009-04-22T20:13:00.002+10:00

Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye

I stand on the precipice of leaving another endeavor - admittedly not finished, and requiring others to complete what I was had "started" (I did not truly start it, but I have been there since the beginning).

It's not exactly like I am closing an important chapter of my life but it is a chapter nonetheless. I think with any parting there is some regret - for me, it seems rare that anything is without redeeming qualities, no matter how slight - and also that strange mix of happiness and fear which comes with facing an unknown future.

Smile

2009-04-20T19:01:00.001+10:00

I find that smiling is a hard thing to do on some days (like today). But, for some reason, seeing this made everything feel a little better.

Simple Math (Short Bursts Of Inspiration)

2009-04-18T08:44:00.002+10:00

Brand Jordan commercials always serve to get me a little bit inspired because they combine a very simple message at its core while delivering it with such a large impact.

This is probably my favourite at the moment.

Comfort

2009-04-15T20:59:00.001+10:00

Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel

"But all my words come back to me,

In shades of mediocrity,

Like emptiness and harmony,

I need someone to comfort me"

Who Shall I Say Is Calling?

2009-04-14T19:59:00.002+10:00

Who By Fire - Leonard Cohen

Are our fates written or do we decide for ourselves what will happen to us? Is it more comfortable to think there is some guiding hand or already-written map or should be embrace the terrible beauty of the unknown?

And, most importantly, is it possible that a person can truly change their nature?

Lady Midnight

2009-04-09T18:39:00.002+10:00

Lady Midnight - Leonard Cohen

"Then she pointed at me where I kneeled on her floor,

She said, dont try to use me or slyly refuse me,

Just win me or lose me,

It is this that the darkness is for

I cried, oh, lady midnight, I fear that you grow old,

The stars eat your body and the wind makes you cold.

If we cry now, she said, it will just be ignored.

So I walked through the morning, sweet early morning,

I could hear my lady calling,

You've won me, you've won me, my lord,

Yes, you've won me, you've won me, my lord,

Ah, you've won me, you've won me, my lord,

Ah, you've won me, you've won me, my lord"

I think in some ways we're all searching for a prize - be it material or just simple peace of mind (which, for me, seems to be harder to obtain than it should be). We just have to be wary not to turn that prize away when it comes to us - and to always be vigilant, for who knows in what form it will come.

No Man...

2009-04-04T08:54:00.003+11:00

"No man is an island, entire of itself

every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main

if a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were,

as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were

any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind

and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls

it tolls for thee. "

- John Donne

Change

2009-03-26T22:04:00.000+11:00

Change....Again.

Finally.

To Uncertain Days Ahead

2009-03-17T22:39:00.002+11:00

Is there hope in the days ahead for me? Maybe, probably, hopefully.

I'll likely be offline for the next few days - but perhaps when I emerge on the other side I will be different and (hopefully) better for it.

To to leave you for now, another piece of nostalgia from my childhood - Robotech

This Is Who We Are

2009-03-16T21:00:00.002+11:00

I recently got a little nostalgic for one of my favourite shows of the 90's, Millenium and managed to find the following on YouTube:

Millenium Theme

I also love the quote:

"The uninitiated perceive time with no appreciation of the beginning,

And no understanding of the end.

To them, time is an infinite commodity.

We know better and will not waste a second of it"

I See A Darkness

2009-03-15T22:06:00.000+11:00

I See A Darkness